Trying to find the words....

My heart is so heavy today after the terrifying mass murders in Fort Hood. I cannot even begin to fathom how this could have happened. It is all just completely unbelievable.

Yesterday, at about 1:45, our assistant principal announced that we were going into a soft lock down and it was not a drill. Soft lock down basically means that we lock our classroom doors, no one goes in or out, no movement in the hallway, no kids outside, etc. We can continue teaching like normal, so the kids weren't too alarmed. I even made the comment "we're fine...it's probably just a mouse in the hallway or something!" Thank goodness I had no idea what was actually unfolding at the time. When I checked my email I realized that something very scary was happening in Fort Hood which is about 30 minutes away from our school. At the time, details were so uncertain, and officials were concerned that there may be other shooters on the loose. I immediately had the same feeling in my gut that I did on 9/11. Not just a sickening, "I can't believe this" feeling, but the feeling that this may not be over...it was all still happening right at that moment...we didn't know if this would be a single shooting or if the nightmare had just begun. I was so thankful that my students were safe, locked inside my classroom and completely clueless of the evil that was going on at that moment...but I also couldn't help but think of all of the people I knew who might be in Fort Hood, and people I know that have loved ones who work in Fort Hood (including the teacher in the room across from mine). I went into prayer mode...that's all I could do, so I knew I needed to do it! Soon after, I got texts informing me that 2 of our friends were working in the hospital on base. My heart just dropped...I knew they were probably fine...and I knew that they were probably going to be a huge blessing to injured soldiers who were coming in...but I was still scared of the uncertainty and I was hurting for their worried wives.

Luckily, the TPD felt that it was safe for us to dismiss our students as normal. We had several officers on campus as well as a SWAT officer in full uniform...including a humongous gun! Scary!

Sorry this is turning into such a long story...but it's one of those days that I will never forget. I watched the news for hours when I got home. Travis went up to the hospital to try to give blood, but thanks to our amazing community, there were already about 200 people waiting in line. WOW! I am so thankful for pure love of people....

Luckily, we got a little break from the madness, because it was date night!!! Nona and Pappy came to put Colby to bed, and Travis and I went to Cheeve's for dinner and a few drinks.

This morning, on my way to work, I was listening to KLOVE...trying to get my mind in the right place. I knew that today would be difficult. This horrifying event was impossible for me to understand...I can't imagine what might be going through my second graders' minds...thank goodness things like this don't happen every day...so they don't know how they are supposed to react or what to do and say. As I was planning my truthful, but non-detailed statement for my kids, I heard the chorus of a song (that's not my favorite song, but for some reason I didn't change it!! :)) that says "we live, we love, we forgive and never give up. The days we are given are gifts from above, and today we remember to live and to love." This made me think of 2 things...1st...God calls us to forgive...wow...2nd...today is a gift!! Live today...love people today!!

Thank you father for teaching me new things every day. Help me to learn to forgive those who trespass against us. Help me to love people...your people. Help me to reach out to those around me who need your love and grace. Most of all, today I am asking you to surround Fort Hood with peace and comfort. I know that you are holding all of us in your hands...but please hug a little tighter today on those who need you the most. You are all-powerful, all-knowing, and always present...thank you for your AMAZING everyday blessings.